The Questions We Ask Ourselves

 
Lately I have just been thinking.  Not too much but enough to start getting to the bottom of things...which means starting at the beginning.
 
My family came to the "big city" from a small southern town.  Out of my immediate family I was the first one born here.  I am finding that this is the case for many of the folks that I know and come in contact with that were born here.  Even though they lived in the big city, our families still have the small town mentality.  There whole goal was to get out of that town, they did it and they are content. This mentality of being content with this was passed down to their kids.   This is a horrible cycle b/c I see this happening with kids my son's age.  Well I am not content with my life here right now. 
 
I posed some questions yesterday that were more to get me thinking but I am glad that others answered them also.  (BTW, I love that I have encountered people that actually think.)  I asked: Are you happy with your life right now? If not now, when will you start? How will you get there?  I need to answer these questions. 
 
Are you happy with your life right now?
I am doing what I can in regards to career.  I just have to be patient and work hard until the finish.  But in general I am not happy with my life in regards to location. If I could do anything and be anywhere I would live in a city that is rich in culture and not far away from the beach.  I definitely believe in the relaxing and healing properties of water.  I feel like I need to be near it.  I feel like a fish gasping for air.  I want to spend my nights and weekends seeing exhibits or going to fairs or at my son's games. I want to be able to drive to other cities to visit and see the history displayed there.  I want my house to be neat and smell warm and sweet.  I want it to be a place of release and happiness.  Right now, I am not there enough.  I am there to sleep and occasionally eat.  I am either at work, visiting schools, driving or at my grandmother's house. 
 
Am I happy with my life relationship wise?
I have not been in a relationship for three years and I have gone on 1 date.  He was cool but there was no spark.  Later I found out things about him that made me happy that I trusted my instincts.  I know that right now I do not have the time to be an active participant in the building and nurturing of a relationship.  For the most part I am ok with that.  I do miss having a male presence in my life though.  I miss the talking and laughing.  I would like a friend to talk to and go to an occasional movie and dinner with.  That's about all I can handle right now.  I don't know if that is even possible these days.  Everyone seems to be on the look out for "friends" not friends. 
 
I am happy that I was able to think this far.  I will answer those other questions in a latter post.  I bounce ideas around in my own head not off of any one so sometimes things are slow going.  Sorry if it seems as if I am lementing over the same things over and over again but this is my method until I really get it. How did I get to the point where I have no one to share my deepest feelings with or bounce ideas off of...hmmmm.