The Letters

May as well start at the beginning…

Dear Mama,

I miss you so much.  I miss you more than I thought was humanly possible.  I remember your face because it’s like looking in the mirror and we have so many pictures around.  But I don’t remember your voice anymore.  This makes me sad.  Just to hear you say my name once more.  Just to hear you call me one of the many nicknames you had for me.  I wish I could still hear you. 

I have had some rough patches since you have been gone.  There were many times that I cried myself to sleep wondering what you would tell me or even if I would have gotten myself in that situation if you would have been there. 

I tried to make you proud while you were here.  I tried to make things easier for you.  I figured if I did all that I could to be perfect, things would be easier for you. I hope you are proud of me…I hope you are proud of what I have accomplished and what I am working on. 

Your grandson…Lord, where do I begin.  He is the light in my life.  I know how you felt about us now since I have one of my own.  I wish you could be here with him. I really wish he could have known you.  I know you would have him even more spoiled.  He is so smart.  You would be so proud of him.  And he is a clown.  He would make you laugh so hard.  He is the most handsome little boy that I have every seen…and he loves and takes care of his mama.  He is truly my heart. 

You would be so proud of the woman your baby girl is becoming.  I thought for a minute I was going to have to hang her up in the tree but she seems to be getting herself together.  She is now going to cosmetology school.  She has been much happier since she figure out that she doesn’t have to try to be like me and do what I did education wise. 

Sometime I just break down and cry because I miss you so much.  You were a great mother.  You sacrificed so we could have.  Even during your not so good moments I know you were doing the best you could.  Thank you for teaching me right from wrong so I could pass these values down to your grandson.  I am doing the best I can to be the best mom I can for him.  I know you never wanted me to go through what you did as a single mother but here I am.  Things didn’t quite go the way I planned but I am making the best of it.

I love you.  Thank you for being you.  I know that you were not always confident in yourself but you always pushed and spoke greatness unto me.  One of the things that I remember you always telling me was that I could do anything that I put my mind to do.  You believed in me without fail.  Now I am learning to believe in myself. 

I will love you beyond my last breath,

Your daughter